Hawkeye Pierce, DVM
by Fawn Hickory
Summary: Radar finds an injured cat and brings it to his favorite doctor. CHAPTER FIVE HAS BEEN ADDED. IT IS NOW COMPLETE. COME ON OVER AND SEE WHAT YOU THINK!
1. Chapter 1

**Here is another M*A*S*H fan fiction. Never enough M*A*S*H!!! Anyway, M*A*S*H isn't mine (god I wish it was!) but I love it and thus write about it. **

**I hope you like this one. It's still in progress, unlike "Glad It Was You", which was all done, so it may not get posted as quickly. I am working busily on it though. Please Read and Review!! :-)**

The sun was shining, it was a balmy fifty-one degrees, and Radar O'Reilly had a few hours to himself. He spent some time in his "zoo", and then decided it was a lovely day for a walk around the compound.

He strolled for about ten minutes, going a bit outside camp, before he spotted something red and black up head. He kept walking towards it, and as he watched it, it moved.

He realized it was a cat. It lay on it's side in the melting snow, with red staining the snow under its rear end.

"Oh," he murmured, going to it. It raised its head and hissed feebly at him, and he talked back to it, "Something must have had a hold of you."

He offered his hand for it to sniff, then petted its head with one finger. It laid its mottled head down and sighed weakly.

Its back leg was mangled, part of the foot missing, and large gashed adorned its back half. A generous chunk of fur was missing from its tail.

"I'll take you back to Captain Pierce," he told the little tortoiseshell. He took his coat off and carefully lifted her onto it, then picked it up to form a sling, which he held against his chest as he started back to camp. The cat made a sound of pain when he picked her up but after that she just lay there, listening to his voice as he told her all about Captain Pierce. "Hawkeye's a real good doctor. He helped the Colonel's horse, and he even operated on one of my rabbits. The only animal he wouldn't touch was my mouse. I'd appreciate it if you didn't touch Daisy either…"

Radar found Hawkeye as he and his best friend BJ Hunnicutt were coming out of the mess tent.

"You gotta come, sir, she's hurt really bad. Part of her foot's missing!"

"Who?" Hawkeye asked, peering into Radar's coat. He was met with a hiss much like the one Radar got. He jerked back and looked at Radar.

"I found her, and she's in pain. Come on, please?"

Hawkeye looked at BJ and sighed. Time for another episode of 'Hawkeye Pierce, DVM'. Truth be told, he didn't really mind though, since it was for Radar and he didn't like to leave anything in pain either.

"Come on," he gestured him into Pre-Op. "Would you care to assist?" He asked BJ.

"Of course."


	2. Chapter 2

He took them into Pre-op and told Radar to the cat in the coat on the table.

Radar unfolded the coat and the tortie looked up at the three of them but made no move to escape. She seemed quite weak.

"Traumatic amputation of the toes of its left back foot," Hawkeye observed, "Some tearing of the skin and muscle of the same leg and rear torso."

"I wonder what got her," BJ mused.

"I don't know but it had big teeth and claws." Hawkeye answered.

"Can you save her?" Asked Radar.

"I think so, if the blood loss isn't too severe."

"Good," Radar knew Hawkeye couldn't work miracles, he'd seem him lose more than one patient but he knew how hard Hawkeye worked for anyone he had on his table. Hawkeye was the doctor Radar would want to work on him and Hawkeye was the one he wanted working on anyone else he thought deserved saving. Radar definitely thought of the little tortie as an anyone.

BJ and Hawkeye scrubbed and began preparing the cat for surgery, debating the anesthetic.

It occurred to them that the inhaled anesthetic they normally used may not work on a feline, not the least reason being the lack of a cat-sized face mask.

She growled deep in her chest when BJ tried to compare the mask to her muzzle and swiped at him with slow but surprising accuracy. BJ swore and Hawkeye handed him a clean towel to wipe his bleeding hand on.

"I'm sorry, sir, but she's scared." Radar spoke up. He wore a lab coat and was standing at he table stroking her behind her ears and on her neck, murmuring to her.

"Let's sedate her, for everyone's protection," Hawkeye put in. "Do everything to make this as painless as possible."

"Shoulda thought of that before," BJ told him.

"Sir, you're not mad, are you? She didn't mean it, honest," Radar said quickly.

"No I'm not mad. Nasty claws she has. They're probably one of the reasons she's alive."

Radar nodded proudly. Hawkeye suppressed a smile.

Hawkeye sedated her and after some debate and a little experimentation the cat was finally under and Hawkeye began the operation.

He cleaned the wound, and actually had to take a bit more of the foot so there was a clean edge to work with. He closed it, put some stitches in a couple of the more serious gashes and finally bound it neatly and declared himself finished.

"Now what?" Radar asked.

"Well, she needs post-operative care. There's one problem though." Said Hawkeye.

"Can't have a cat in Post-op." BJ supplied.

"Exactly."

"Then what are you going to do with her?" Radar asked worriedly. The cat lay on clean towels, still safely unconscious and Radar was petting her absently.

"You could take care of her."

"I know, and I want to but I don't know how to take care of –" He gestured to the bandages, "- all that."

BJ looked at Hawkeye and this time he was the one who sighed. "He's right. An amputation requires professional care. I guess that settles it."

"What?" Asked Hawkeye and Radar together.

"She's moving in with us."

***

"I'll come and feed and clean up after her every few hours," Radar assured them as they walked across the compound, a crate in Radar's arms containing the cat and enough towels to dry and elephant.

"Okay Radar."

"I promise she'll be good."

"Okay Radar."

"And –" Radar was cut off by a shout from Frank Burns, who had just jumped to his feet from his cot in the tent he shared with BJ and Hawkeye.

"What is _that?_" He demanded.

"Our houseguest, Frank. Now shut up so you don't disturb her." Hawkeye said with much mock cheerfulness.

"That's a cat!"

"Where?!" BJ and Hawkeye asked quickly.

"It is against regulations to keep a pet in a tent."

"Tent? I thought this was the Ritz-Carlton." Hawkeye spoke up again.

"Relax, Frank," BJ said. "This is an investment in the future. Give this baby a week to cat-nap off the anesthetic and get back on her feet and she'll be making the rats' lives very unpleasant." He smiled jovially. "Remember, they're good at making our lives unpleasant."

"Right, one's making mine unpleasant right now." Hawkeye said.

"Why you –" But something clicked in his embarrassingly small brain and Frank grew thoughtful.

Just yesterday he had found a rat peering at him from inside his boot. If the hairball in the crate could indeed… "All right, it can stay. But keep it quite and out of my space unless it's catching a rat. Understood?"

BJ smiled. Hawkeye looked at him and wondered how he could look so genuinely _aw-shucks-it's-your-call-sir_ when they both knew Frank had Swiss cheese for intelligence. Hawkeye made a mental note to himself to complement BJ's acting ability.

They settled the cat in the space between BJ and Hawkeye's bunks and tucked her in comfortable. "I'll be back to change her towels after mess, okay?" Radar said.

"Sure."

**I'm working as quickly as I can on this one, and still have it be good. Thank you all for the nice reviews and I hope it continues to please. I have several torties and I am basing this cat on one of mine, Docie. She's a spitfire and...well, you'll see. :-)**


	3. Chapter 3

Radar came back as promised after supper, and again before bed. Hawkeye figured he was trying to make an impression, a show of gratitude in return for letting the cat stay in the Swamp.

Hawkeye told him he didn't have to worry about coming during the night. "If she has an accident we'll take care of her."

"Well if you're sure…" Radar agreed hesitantly.

***

It was pitch black when a soft, sing-song voice woke Hawkeye that night. He rolled onto his back and looked over towards BJ's side of the tent and smiled.

BJ had a towel-wrapped bundle held in one arm like an infant while he made the crate up with fresh toweling. The bundle was making catty protests and BJ was talking back to her. "You'll be fine, your uncle BJ is making your bed up all clean. Uncle Hawkeye fixed your foot up and in a few days you'll be almost as good as new…"

"Uncle BJ?"

BJ jumped and the cat squeaked in protest. "Sorry, did I wake you up?"

"It's okay. It was worth it to hear all that. How's out patient?"

"Conscious."

"Good."

"Her kidneys are functioning."

"Good again."

***

In the morning, Radar was at the Swamp even before Hawkeye was out of bed.

Hawkeye yawned and stretched and swung his legs out of bed, reaching for his pants.

"How is she? _Oh,_" Radar started as he peered into the box and the cat opened her eyes and peered back out at him.

"She and BJ had a lovely conversation during the night," Hawkeye informed him.

The sound of BJ drawing two full lungs' worth of air made the both of them look over at him. "She thinks this place stinks just as much as we do."

Hawkeye poured a bit of gin in a basin and dipped his hands into it, then picked up the cat and laid her on a towel on his lap.

She blinked up at him, her fur pricking a little. He petted her head and the back of her neck, tickling her between her shoulder blades. In a minute or two a breathy little purr began emanating from her.

"I think she likes you," Radar said happily.

"I have that effect on women." He petted a little more, till her prickles went down. "Beej, since you two hit it off last night, wanna come over and help me?"

BJ came and knelt in front of Hawkeye, placing a gently restraining hand on the cat, and petting her with the other. Radar sat down on Hawkeye's cot beside him and watched with somewhat nervous interest.

Hawkeye took the dressing off the foot, and although he was careful the cat whimpered, a sound that until then he didn't know a cat could make.

There was a small rusty stain on the bandage but it was dry and and the wound did not weep.

"Give me the disinfectant and some gauze from my bag," Hawkeye said to Radar. He cleaned the wound, re-wrapped it and then checked over the others.

The cat was rather put out by the time they were finished and BJ was a little nervous to let go of her. She merely glared up at them, though, and her stomach began to rumble.

"I think she's hungry." Radar supplied.

"She won't be when she tastes the food."

"She eats mice," BJ protested.

"I'm not entirely sure we don't." Responded Hawkeye.

"There's liver in the mess tent."

"Of course there is."

"Could she eat that?" Radar continued as if Hawkeye hadn't said anything.

The two doctors looked at each other. "We could mince it up and it might work," BJ said.

"All right, let's try it."

The tortie stared at them all as if to say, _get moving_.


	4. Chapter 4

Radar ended up as liver-mincer and would have kept going until he made mush if they hadn't stopped him.

Hawkeye folded a couple of pieces of paper into a dish and placed a bit of liver in it, and placed the dish in front of the cat.

It took her a minute to get to her feet, finally succeeding after Radar offered her a helping hand. She struggled to get her land legs but once she did she sniffed at the meat and then began to take dainty little bites with her front teeth.

The three of them couldn't help but laugh at that; a scruffy-looking little thing with war wounds of her own, short legs and tiny ears, eating as if she were a queen.

When she finished she lay down and began to wash her face.

Radar filched a small dish and filled it with water for her, and the three of them smiled down at her, now dozing in her crate.

"What are you going to name her?" Hawkeye asked Radar.

"I was thinking that since you saved her life you could name her," Radar replied, clearly intending it to be an honor.

"I don't know, Radar. I'm not much of a namer, and she's your cat."

"No, I insist."

Hawkeye looked over at BJ, but all he would do was put his hands up in front of him in a _don't look at me_ gesture.

"Okay."

***

Five days later, the now mobile and quite gregarious tortoiseshell was also still quite nameless. She had instituted herself into everyone's life that would have her, and they all found out quickly that if you were done petting her but she wasn't done being petted, you got whatever you didn't want bitten out of range fast.

Radar was still insisting Hawkeye name her, and BJ was waiting to see how long this would take. He was rather enjoying watching Hawkeye squirm.

"This is ridiculous!" Hawkeye told BJ one evening as the cat lay on his stomach, purring her breathy purr and kneading her small round paws in what he had to admit was a relaxing manner. "It should take five minutes to name one scruffy-looking cat! But nothing seems right."

"I don't know what to tell you."

"No, and even if you did you wouldn't because you're enjoying this."

BJ just looked at him. In a moment a big, wicked grin spread across his face. Hawkeye lobbed a dirty sock at him.

***

Day seven: Still no name. The amusement was wearing off for BJ. Radar seemed tired and slight incredulous, but was still adamant. If Hawkeye didn't name her, no one would.

Hawkeye opened his footlocker in search of the clean tee shirt he knew was in there. He moved a long-sleeved shirt and jumped back with a yelp.

A rat sat there, as large as his two loosely-clenched fists, with its teeth bared.

Hawkeye looked around wildly for something to bludgeon it with but all he saw was a black streak fly past him.

A shrieking, squeaking scream and the nameless cat sat there with a broken-necked rat hanging from her jaws.

"Amazon," Hawkeye breathed.

She protested a bit before she gave up her kill for him to take out and throw in the garbage dump. When he got back he found her lying on his cot worrying the bandage on her foot.

"Did you rip your stitches?" He asked her, scooping her up, sitting down and unwrapping her foot.

One stitch had ripped and a few drops of blood stained the dressing. He wiped her foot clean, applied a liberal coating of petroleum and rewrapped it. Then he held her up and looked in her green eyes.

"Amazon ratter." He said with a smile. Slowly his smile widened. "Your name is Amazon. Wild cat of Korea."

Radar and BJ were both pleased when he introduced her to them by name.

***

A couple of days later, Hawkeye got back to the Swamp and called for Amazon as he searched for her. Usually she was on either his or BJ's cot, in a cubbyhole on one of their shelves, or sitting proudly over her latest kill.

Today she was in none of those places.

Hawkeye went outside and looked around. Nobody he asked had seen anything, but finally he found a bloodstain on one of the stones surrounding the tent. The next person he asked mentioned seeing a dog running off with something it had caught in its mouth.

"Oh no."


	5. Chapter 5

What did the dog look like?" Hawkeye demanded.

"Chocolate brown, medium sized, pointy ears," was the answer after some thought.

Hawkeye burst into Radar's office, making him yelp and clutch his chest. "Do you know what dog is chocolate colored with pointy ears?" Hawkeye demanded.

"That's Ernest. Why?" Radar asked, annoyed, with his hand still over his heart.

"Because I think he has Amazon."

"Has Amazon? What would-oh no." Radar was on his feet and out the door, calling the dog to no avail. Hawkeye added a few of his own shouts, to both animals, but none showed up. It took a while but finally they gave up and went back to the Swamp.

"I'm sorry, Hawkeye." Radar told him.

"Yeah."

The door opened and BJ came in. "What was all the commotion?"

"A dog got Amazon." Radar said quietly.

"Hawk, when?"

"She was gone when I got back from duty and somebody said they saw a dog running off with something in its mouth." He paused and gave BJ a hard look. "Where were you?"

"I took a shower, came back and got dressed, and then went to the mess tent for coffee. Father Mulcahy just got a joke book from his sister and I stayed to listen."

"Well was she here when you were?"

"On your bed."

"Did you see anything?"

"No, Hawkeye, I didn't. I'm sorry." BJ poured Hawkeye a drink and handed it to him.

"No, it's fine," He said abruptly. He downed the drink, grimaced and held out his glass for a refill. "She was Radar's anyway."

Wordlessly, BJ kept them coming.

An hour later, Hawkeye was so drunk he would have been falling down, had he tried to stand up. He raised his glass and said, "To Amazon, Wild Cat of Korea. Rest in Peace."

* * *

The next morning Hawkeye lay on his bunk shading his eyes with his forearm. The door opened and Frank came in, slamming the door behind him-on purpose, Hawkeye suspected.

"Tone it down a little, will ya'?" He asked.

"Just because you got liquored up last night doesn't mean I'm going to walk around on egg shells today." Frank answered.

Hawkeye called him a name that made Frank's mouth open and close several times then turn away in a huff.

Hawkeye heard Frank scrabbling around, and then the chair scrape out. He winced and said again, "Quiet," as the sound assailed his hung-over senses.

"Pierce, get over here."

"Frank, I swear-"

"No, Pierce, get over here."

With a growl, Hawkeye sat up and looked to where Frank was gazing.

Hawkeye let out a whoop and made it across the room and onto his knees in three strides.

Amazon lay on several shirts, with four kittens nursing hungrily.

"She's alive," Hawkeye whispered. "Look what you did."

"She's on my shirt." Frank said.

"I don't care! She's alive!"

"She's on my shirt."

"She's gonna stay on there, too, because if you touch her I'll permanently attach you to your shirt." And he bounded out to give Radar and BJ the news.

They moved the kittens into the same crate Amazon had stayed in, and placed it in the quietest corner of the Swamp, all under the proud mama's watchful eye, of course.

"What are you going to call them?"

"I don't know. But I'm so glad she's alive." Hawkeye was staring down at them. "I do know one thing. She's getting fixed as soon as she's recovered a bit. I'm not going through that again." Suddenly he was uncomfortable, so he put on a goofy grin. "The hangover alone was murder."

BJ and Radar just smiled.

The End

**Well that does it for another M*A*S*H fic for me. I started another last night, nearly finished it already, and should have it posted by the end of the week (in full) if I can get online long enough. It's my answer to what would happen if Radar socked Hawkeye. Y'all come and read it. Don't forget to review and I love getting messages too. **


End file.
